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Welcome To Schwabia

(A short satirical science fiction story)

by Chauncey Tinker – 26 Feb 2022

Image by Bob Moran

The year is 2070, all the formerly independent nations of the world are now joined together in a single unified nation called Schwabia. The creation of Schwabia came after a period of great turmoil, when the world was plagued by pandemics, hyper inflation, wars, and cyber warfare (which disrupted the supply chains and caused food shortages and power cuts).

Schwabian society is roughly divided into two groups, the normies who enthusiastically accept the status quo and believe everything they are told by the official media, and the cynics, a minority who routinely doubt everything they are told.

A time traveller from an earlier age might be surprised to notice that there are no young people in our world today. Once it became certain that human life could be extended indefinitely, the government introduced a No Children policy, and the many genders were normalized into a single sexless gender. It is rumoured that small bands of cynics have evaded the Gender Normalization Program, and are living disgusting primitive lives in the forests, but this rumour is routinely dismissed as a myth by those in authority.

Obviously the Gender Normalization Program had implications for the use of pronouns. During what is now known as the Gender Transitional Period, when people started to become aware of all the many genders that existed then, many began to doubt whether they belonged to the right gender, and some of these even attempted to change their gender by surgical means. There had also been great confusion about which pronouns to use. Thanks to gender normalization this confusion was resolved, the correct pronouns to use for all people are now xe (s/he), xem (him/her), xyr(s) (his/her(s)) and xemself (himself/herself).

All humans are now also effectively transhuman, with many bodily implants and much internal digital circuitry that enhances our life experience. In recent times for some unknown reason people lost the ability to smile spontaneously, but fortunately technological advances have since provided a solution to this deficiency. Nowadays on meeting a fellow citizen you can simulate a smile by pressing a button on your smart-watch, which sends a signal via neura-link circuits directly to the wearer's brain.

Unfortunately so far attempts to connect the human brain directly with the internet via neura-link circuitry have failed, the complexities involved in accomplishing this were found to be greater than initially anticipated. Consequently the government, for now, are still having to rely on psychological (and other) measures to keep cynicism under control. The media continue to regularly post updates on Chief Scientific Officer Elon Musk's exciting progress in developing xyr neura-link technology however, a breakthrough is eagerly expected any day now. As Musk has rightly pointed out, merely communicating with other people through speech and facial gestures/body language etc. is retarded and constitutes bandwidth deficiency.

President, Emperor Elect, and Highest Representative of the People of Schwabia, xyr most gracious excellency, heroic prophet of the fourth industrial revolution Klaus Schwab (now aged 132 years) sits on xyr throne, wearing xyr see-through tunic (it is not true that the emperor has no clothes as some cynics disgracefully suggest), burdened only by a heavily jewel encrusted golden crown and many medals. A great many of xyr body parts have been replaced; it is estimated that xe is now around 98% synthetic, a percentage that is fairly common among the privileged elite.

Larry Fink, the chairperson of WorldCorp (formerly known as BlackRock, Inc.), the only corporation left after a great deal of corporate mergers, is also the High Chancellor of the Exchequer, the minister in charge of finance and business. For a time after xyr appointment there had been some disquiet about the apparent conflict of interest, however the World Information Secretary Nadine Dorries subsequently solved this problem by having the concept of conflict of interest removed from all legally available books (thankfully as all books are digital now such corrections can be made with ease). Fink is also in charge of the world's single central bank which controls the digital currency, the digital currency allows the government to prevent citizens purchasing things that might be harmful to xem and other citizens.

William Gates (now 115 years of age), who holds the positions of Agriculture Secretary and Health Secretary, is also the owner of "The Farm" a conglomeration of the world's remaining super-farms that were merged into a single entity around the year 2045. As well as dictating and implementing the World Agricultural Policy 5 Year Plans, as part of xyr Health Secretary role he also gets to write the menus which determine what ordinary citizens are allowed to eat on any given day. Protein is normally provided by a diet of lentils, soya burgers, or delicious varieties of bean curd, but fried insects and synthetic meat products are added to the menu as a special treat on festive occasions. A single small glass of alcohol (a rum ration) is also permitted to the citizens each week, following their weekly series of 324 medical injections.

Xi Jinping is the Mental Wellbeing Minister. Xe (Xi) was appointed to this position in the year 2051, in recognition of xyr exemplary prior work on population control and subjugation of cynicism in one of the formerly independent nations. Since Xi was appointed to this role there has been much encouraging progress achieved by xyr department in reducing the numbers of cynics in Schwabia.

Avril Haines is the head of the World Intelligence Agency. Xe was recently awarded the Imperial Medal of High Honour for xyr work uncovering the Alien Collusion Conspiracy. Xyr work proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that prominent cynics had been conspiring with a hostile alien species from a distant galaxy to overthrow the government of Schwabia!!! Thankfully the media have also been waking the people up to the growing threat from hostile aliens in outer space, so it is looking hopeful that the people of Schwabia will be ready for war when it comes.

All these members of the government belong to the ruling political party, called the Democratic People's Party of Schwabia (DPPS). The only other political party is the Outraged Opposition Party of Schwabia (OOPS), which has never won an election. OOPS seldom win more than a few percent of the votes, but clearly we still live in a democracy as we still have a choice of political parties to vote for. Routinely mocked, derided and vilifed by the media, OOPS are widely believed by cynics however to be a parody, a caricature of a political party, that has been created and funded by the power that lies behind the imperial throne (you will sometimes hear cynics whispering under their breath "controlled opposition" in reference to OOPS). Many cynics in any case suspect that the electronic voting machines are rigged by clever algorithms that allocate just enough votes to OOPS to avoid arousing the suspicions of the public too much. These cynics also suspect that the other main purpose of the electronic voting machines is to gather information about who is disgruntled with the status quo, information that is then used in the calculation of a citizen's social credit score.

For the rest of us, the normie common people, life is good. We own nothing, and we have no privacy, but we are happy. It is very comforting to know that the ruling government (of our now unified planet) has our best interests at heart.

[Footnote: If you followed the many links that I included in this story, you may have realized that this dystopian future is already closer than many people realize.]

What do you think? Are you looking forward to living in Schwabia? Please leave a comment below.

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